there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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