and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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