Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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