Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
