yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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