I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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