First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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