Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
