can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
