3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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