You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
this hospital has no fireball
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
