And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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