hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
