ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
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I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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