Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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