Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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