I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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