i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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