were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
