i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
