what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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