I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
