he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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