I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
