i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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