a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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