I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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