I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
