Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sext me about skeletons
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
