Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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