I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
