Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just high enough for therapy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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