why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
