i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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