So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
