I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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