You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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