It was confusing and full of hummus
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
