Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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