Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
