do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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