I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
