if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
