dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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