College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This is the high leading the old right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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