Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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