So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
