I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
