Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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