i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
