What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
