This dress was meant to end up on your floor
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
