i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
