I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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