i think my tv is drunk
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
