omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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