so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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