Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
