Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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