If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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