i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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