When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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