I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
