I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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