he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
