Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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