he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
