Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize