I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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